is this the end, or the begining?
Wow worst spring break of my life. the past week has been great, I’ve had so much fun and I needed it after the week before. I was actually looking forward to school on monday, seeing friends that I havent seen in a while and getting schools for schools back up and ready. Well no I guess I was wrong, my first week was filled with sarrow, I lost my brother, not by forse but by his own choice, me him fought a lot but I still loved him and would do anythig for him. I felt like I could always talk to him and run to him, or go on a midnight ride through lake side…. I saw my jack ass of a dad for the first time in since I was about nine and he didnt even say one thing to me, him and my brother both chose to leave my family, I havent cried about my brother yet, although I’ve wanted to, then this week I had an amazing week, I just took my mind off of my brother and off of the world. but then it seemed yesturday the whole world fell on me. I realized last night that it was official, I’m not going to Africa this summer, I cried for a few seconds and stopped, I seem to be not letting myself cry lately. then this morning I woke up to find one of my best friends getting mad at me because of my decision to stay out of her drama at work, simply because it included another best friend, and I dont want to lose any of them, while I thought she undeerstould my decision and I felt a huge wait lifted off my shoulders I found out she was hurt by it. I dont know how I hurt her, I hate hurting my friends, its the worst feeling in the world. Especially this one, because she was there for me when I became a christian and all of my other friends lost interest in me….. The I go to find a blog she wrote directed to me, and basically saying I’m not a true friend….but shouldnt a true friend respect the others decision? well this just sucks, I need help, I need to pray. Why are people always leaving? Why does a friend that says they will never leave you, leave? I feel I made the best decision I could have made, to stay out of it… I’m sticking by it. I’m done, I’m hurt, I’m tired, what else can I do.
thank God I have God in my life, I know he’ll always be there.
Hayley/
just to let all yall know my brother isnt dead!!!